The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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