i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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