How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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