totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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