There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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