Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
