If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
