Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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