i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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