just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
