Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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