My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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