She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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