the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
