Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
