Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
