hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
