i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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