HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
