the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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