She's JV to your varsity
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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