Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
