i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
