my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
