Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
