you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
