Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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