i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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