Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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