so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
