Don't make out with my wife yet
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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