is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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