she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
