Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
