you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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