What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
