I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
