Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
