Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
