i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
