i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
