so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think my tv is drunk
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
