Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
