Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
