My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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