i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
