'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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