This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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