Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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