We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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