Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
