he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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