Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
